Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
