did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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