I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
