the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
