well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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