She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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