I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
