Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
