It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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