He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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