Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
