I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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