i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
No subtext here. People are naked.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
