she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
operation harelip BJ is a go
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
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