apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
