apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize