I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
