please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
