What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
