Your tits are I can't wait for
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
the day after is always just damage control
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
