Don't you send me to vm
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
