I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
