According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
