oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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