my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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