so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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