On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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