i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
