I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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