Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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