it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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