Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
