It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
