remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
