I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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