Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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