I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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