Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Green mimosas i think yes
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
