Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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