he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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