no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
