so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
