I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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