I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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