i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
