you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
PANTIES FOUND
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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