I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
