He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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