Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
