I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
