I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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