she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
