note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
