i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
