never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize