you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
