My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
