So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
