dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
