I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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