This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
