Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just wanna soil my oats bro
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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