after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
