my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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