Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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