i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
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