Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You took a bar mat shot.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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