don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize