Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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