can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
