Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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