I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
