we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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