I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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