I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I touched a dick in church today
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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