I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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