I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize