goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
