Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
