Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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