don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
