porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
