the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
