you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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