Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
