my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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