then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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