Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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