How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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