all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
