all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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