barbara walters just said penis...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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