if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
