the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
