Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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