yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
