I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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