yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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