I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
