I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
They have beer where we have blood.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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