had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Randomize
