Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
